White Flags

by Trust Darkness

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about

I wrote and recorded these two albums as a tribute, requiem, reflection on my ~14 years in Chicago. There's a lot of confession, darkness, uncertainty, and unanswered questions in them. They're meant to be a sort of prequel and main act. For those who know, Red Flags is about how things were and what happened. White Flags is about what things are like now.

There is a story in here to tell somewhere. I'm not sure I've found it yet. I've had some dark times, and mostly things are a lot better now. I have a lot to be grateful for, and there are more than a few people I hurt along the way. I can't say I have no regrets, but as it says in A Groundswell... "though there have been mistakes, they created this life that I hold dear." Maybe you can find some story in here that says something about you.

credits

released November 12, 2017

Recorded and Produced by Jamie Carter at Puff Valley.
Executive Producer: Michael Sack.
Bass on "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt" and keyboards on "A Groundswell" by Jamie Carter.
"Picking Through the Rubble" co-written by Brianne Bolin and Brian Busenius.
Mastered by Carl Saff.
Cover art by Anna Valenty, used under Standard Licesne
All Rights Reserved.
trustdarkness.com
lastminuterecords.com

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about

Trust Darkness Seattle, Washington

aka Sleep Deprivation aka __mt__ aka mikeyT... a drummer with a guitar, trying to figure out what to do with himself in his late 30s.

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Track Name: The Ashes Are Cold
you and i could only stoke these coals
for so long and the campfire eventually went cold
so you packed your things
hiked out your trash and went home
and i woke up alone

and i'm trying to believe in things
i cannot see, i cannot say
who this is, the man i am today
i'm still in here, you still know me
but everything has changed
-- i still feel the same
and i don't know my way

i just can't get down on my knees
you see what i want you to see
i'm not the man i thought i would be
if i just could get down on my knees

and i'm trying to believe in things
i cannot see, i cannot say
who this is, the man i am today
i'm still in here, you still know me
but everything has changed
Track Name: Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt
a cracked and dirtied window pane
a broken door in a rotting frame
i was living in this house in a hurricane
the plaster cracked and the ceiling caved
i watched the walls get torn away
sipping my drink like nothing had changed
watching the water slowly invade
waiting for it all to mean something

will a new plague come and wipe this out?
will an ice age finally come to town?
will california fall into the sea?
will the waves come to take me?

i’ve driven through storms and i've driven through rain
no matter where i run i’m there with my brain
i can’t find peace if i don’t embrace change
i can’t believe if i don’t learn to pray
the wreckage of a life spread far and wide
even though red flags turned to white
i can’t be hurt if i wont be brave
i won’t take risks and i won’t have faith

and what if this is meaningless?
what if there's no god to hear my prayers?
am I just some fool on my knees?
begging for some cheap relief?
what if all of my doubts hold true?
what if I slip? What if I lose you?
am I strong enough to change?
am I lost enough to just obey?

they say to balance fear with faith
they say these men were united by fate
they tell me that i can't avoid pain
it’s the only way to change

will an h bomb finally wipe us out?
will a tidal wave embrace and drown?
will London sink under rising seas?
will the waves come to take me?
Track Name: A Groundswell
eastbound
like lines on a face you had to leave behind
you always wondered how they would change in time
now you stare at the dashboard
and try to clear your mind
all this time
highway signs suggest you turn back
but you don't read,
you just press the gas
alone
and the radio blares
suggests that someone cares
but this desert shows you
all you think you need to know

westbound...
the journeys we take just seem to circle around
till somebody breaks and the pain is like
a groundswell of memories
of summer rains and dirty feet
of fingers on each other's teeth
and making love in SUVs
or the day the towers came crashing down
Los Angeles was a ghost town
we didn’t know what to sing or say
and I’m not sure we know today

all this time
highway signs suggest you turn back
but you don't read,
you just press the gas
alone
and the radio blares
It claims that someone cares
but this desert shows you
all you think you need to know

i lost myself along the path
of the first part of my life
but I’ve grown up, I know what I want
and she’s right here by my side
and I’ve learned to let go
because I still have this road
i still have these hands to turn the wheel
and i won’t hit the breaks
though there have been mistakes
they created this life that i hold dear
Track Name: Picking Through the Rubble
picking through the rubble in silence
these accidents were planned out pretty well
mumbling to myself in a new language
just to remember pieces of the old
pulling out wires and iron
and building magnets with switches
just trying to find the direction
we once knew as north
just pacing back and forth

i stumbled and took a breath
remembered when i was a kid
and knew that i only cry by choice

looking at the poor foundation we laid
its hard to imagine how we thought it would last
but here and there a few bricks remain
you can seee its enough to start building again

a cold dawn
the fog broke
dothiswilldothiswill do this will do
this will do.
Track Name: Puget Sound Collapse
this was my foot on the gas
as the Puget Sound collapsed
this was my heart screaming wait
as i slammed onto the breaks
these are the faces on the street
of everyone you'd like to meet
that hide the voices in your head
of things you wish you could forget

this was my walk through central park
a bottle shielding me from my heart
all the struggles i could never see
had started growing and rotting in me
with all that i've done wrong
i hope you never hear this song
because i think i could have changed the paths of our lives
if i'd had the balls to act all that time ago
but what do i know?

i can't hang on to the past, i need humility
all i can do is try to clean my side of the street
i can't be her dark horse
and now i know why you couldn't be mine
all this pain had left me frozen in time

trains just rattle through
a park that you never knew
ships still come to dock
on that pier where you made me talk
It took some time for me to grow up
to know how to really love
i found someone who makes me laugh
i’m ready to leave this all in the past

these are my feet on the ground
because the Puget Sound is still around
and i'm not bound
to all this pain i've been carrying around
Track Name: The Things I Cannot Change
the slow death of one thousand men
or the one we lost today
and i can't remember
how i came to feel this way
how form forced function to give way

now this is pornography
viewed through every billboard's leering eyes
building a wall between you and I

and if i am just a lense
then even if i capture light
no matter how fast the shutter closes
i can't see through your eyes
and if i am just a microphone
recording sound to tape
with just the pass of a magnet
we're all erased

now this is pornography
viewed through every billboard's leering eyes
i'm turned on even as
a part of me dies

and those roads that we drove
with no pictures to send home
and songs played at shows
with no records to own
if sunsets are wild
and cameras are traps
then i'm burning all my photos
and i'm not looking back
because the woman on that billboard
looks like plastic
and the newscaster says
"freedom must be saved"
and the video footage looks fantastic
the movie rights are bound to be just great...

how i came to feel this way:
a lust to capture the moment
and force it to obey
now i'm learning to have faith
i'm learning to live in the day
even when i still feel the same
i know i'll be ok

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