White Flags

by Trust Darkness

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1.
you and i could only stoke these coals for so long and the campfire eventually went cold so you packed your things hiked out your trash and went home and i woke up alone and i'm trying to believe in things i cannot see, i cannot say who this is, the man i am today i'm still in here, you still know me but everything has changed -- i still feel the same and i don't know my way i just can't get down on my knees you see what i want you to see i'm not the man i thought i would be if i just could get down on my knees and i'm trying to believe in things i cannot see, i cannot say who this is, the man i am today i'm still in here, you still know me but everything has changed
2.
a cracked and dirtied window pane a broken door in a rotting frame i was living in this house in a hurricane the plaster cracked and the ceiling caved i watched the walls get torn away sipping my drink like nothing had changed watching the water slowly invade waiting for it all to mean something will a new plague come and wipe this out? will an ice age finally come to town? will california fall into the sea? will the waves come to take me? i’ve driven through storms and i've driven through rain no matter where i run i’m there with my brain i can’t find peace if i don’t embrace change i can’t believe if i don’t learn to pray the wreckage of a life spread far and wide even though red flags turned to white i can’t be hurt if i wont be brave i won’t take risks and i won’t have faith and what if this is meaningless? what if there's no god to hear my prayers? am I just some fool on my knees? begging for some cheap relief? what if all of my doubts hold true? what if I slip? What if I lose you? am I strong enough to change? am I lost enough to just obey? they say to balance fear with faith they say these men were united by fate they tell me that i can't avoid pain it’s the only way to change will an h bomb finally wipe us out? will a tidal wave embrace and drown? will London sink under rising seas? will the waves come to take me?
3.
eastbound like lines on a face you had to leave behind you always wondered how they would change in time now you stare at the dashboard and try to clear your mind all this time highway signs suggest you turn back but you don't read, you just press the gas alone and the radio blares suggests that someone cares but this desert shows you all you think you need to know westbound... the journeys we take just seem to circle around till somebody breaks and the pain is like a groundswell of memories of summer rains and dirty feet of fingers on each other's teeth and making love in SUVs or the day the towers came crashing down Los Angeles was a ghost town we didn’t know what to sing or say and I’m not sure we know today all this time highway signs suggest you turn back but you don't read, you just press the gas alone and the radio blares It claims that someone cares but this desert shows you all you think you need to know i lost myself along the path of the first part of my life but I’ve grown up, I know what I want and she’s right here by my side and I’ve learned to let go because I still have this road i still have these hands to turn the wheel and i won’t hit the breaks though there have been mistakes they created this life that i hold dear
4.
picking through the rubble in silence these accidents were planned out pretty well mumbling to myself in a new language just to remember pieces of the old pulling out wires and iron and building magnets with switches just trying to find the direction we once knew as north just pacing back and forth i stumbled and took a breath remembered when i was a kid and knew that i only cry by choice looking at the poor foundation we laid its hard to imagine how we thought it would last but here and there a few bricks remain you can seee its enough to start building again a cold dawn the fog broke dothiswilldothiswill do this will do this will do.
5.
this was my foot on the gas as the Puget Sound collapsed this was my heart screaming wait as i slammed onto the breaks these are the faces on the street of everyone you'd like to meet that hide the voices in your head of things you wish you could forget this was my walk through central park a bottle shielding me from my heart all the struggles i could never see had started growing and rotting in me with all that i've done wrong i hope you never hear this song because i think i could have changed the paths of our lives if i'd had the balls to act all that time ago but what do i know? i can't hang on to the past, i need humility all i can do is try to clean my side of the street i can't be her dark horse and now i know why you couldn't be mine all this pain had left me frozen in time trains just rattle through a park that you never knew ships still come to dock on that pier where you made me talk It took some time for me to grow up to know how to really love i found someone who makes me laugh i’m ready to leave this all in the past these are my feet on the ground because the Puget Sound is still around and i'm not bound to all this pain i've been carrying around
6.
the slow death of one thousand men or the one we lost today and i can't remember how i came to feel this way how form forced function to give way now this is pornography viewed through every billboard's leering eyes building a wall between you and I and if i am just a lense then even if i capture light no matter how fast the shutter closes i can't see through your eyes and if i am just a microphone recording sound to tape with just the pass of a magnet we're all erased now this is pornography viewed through every billboard's leering eyes i'm turned on even as a part of me dies and those roads that we drove with no pictures to send home and songs played at shows with no records to own if sunsets are wild and cameras are traps then i'm burning all my photos and i'm not looking back because the woman on that billboard looks like plastic and the newscaster says "freedom must be saved" and the video footage looks fantastic the movie rights are bound to be just great... how i came to feel this way: a lust to capture the moment and force it to obey now i'm learning to have faith i'm learning to live in the day even when i still feel the same i know i'll be ok

about

I wrote and recorded these two albums as a tribute, requiem, reflection on my ~14 years in Chicago. There's a lot of confession, darkness, uncertainty, and unanswered questions in them. They're meant to be a sort of prequel and main act. For those who know, Red Flags is about how things were and what happened. White Flags is about what things are like now.

There is a story in here to tell somewhere. I'm not sure I've found it yet. I've had some dark times, and mostly things are a lot better now. I have a lot to be grateful for, and there are more than a few people I hurt along the way. I can't say I have no regrets, but as it says in A Groundswell... "though there have been mistakes, they created this life that I hold dear." Maybe you can find some story in here that says something about you.

credits

released November 12, 2017

Recorded and Produced by Jamie Carter at Puff Valley.
Executive Producer: Michael Sack.
Bass on "Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt" and keyboards on "A Groundswell" by Jamie Carter.
"Picking Through the Rubble" co-written by Brianne Bolin and Brian Busenius.
Mastered by Carl Saff.
Cover art by Anna Valenty, used under Standard Licesne
All Rights Reserved.
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lastminuterecords.com

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Trust Darkness Seattle, Washington

aka Sleep Deprivation aka __mt__ aka mikeyT... a drummer with a guitar, trying to figure out what to do with himself in his late 30s.

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