One Last Embrace

by Trust Darkness

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originally released as a Sleep Deprivation record


released July 1, 2005

tho the form and structure of these songs were
outside my sphere of influence, it can be loosely
said that these were written, performed, and
produced by mt. "night" and "choice" were recorded
in the old basement rochester mn, post fire,
with a single sm57 plugged into the computer that
survived the blaze. the rest of these songs were
recorded in summerish 2004.

random minicassette recordings were mostly done in
eau claire, wi with scotti j (little did he know).
random voices adapted and twisted from generic
hypnosis scripts.

"blood" was originally a relative song titled
"leaves draw blood" it died at yabuts, salt lake city.
"landed" was extrapolated from the relative song
"landing" from their self titled cd (lmr008).
the rest will be left to your imagination. needless
to say, this is an effort to close the door on this
part of my life. im keeping my fingers crossed, but
im not holding my breath.


all rights reserved



Trust Darkness Seattle, Washington

aka Sleep Deprivation aka __mt__ aka mikeyT... a drummer with a guitar, trying to figure out what to do with himself in his late 30s.

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Track Name: truth
are we slowly being reprogrammed
toward the truth from these lies
like freedom, these eyes
do we need them?

are we getting any closer to the day
when there'll be no need to stay awake
because i'm finally drifting off to sleep
this numbness is finally settling in
the darkness wins.
Track Name: apart
embracing this chaos
the sound of decay
the violence in this mind
this rotting restraint
(i knew how i felt
by the sound of your heart
not long before we
were falling apart)
I barely sleep
as these dreams that haunt me are real
this life of such conflict
its bridging on the surreal
an excess of passion
is driving us to collapse
and lifetimes, like memories
are fading so fast
embracing these daydreams
the sound of decay
is ringing in my ears
to drown out dismay
a hedonists anthem
i'm giving up hope
forsaking my promise
for just enough rope
i barely sleep...
so now, darkness embraced
because we're all dying anyway
the past we shared, we'll both forsake
in hopes we'll forget who's to blame
i barely sleep...
Track Name: empty(sin)
we cannot afford to place blame
Track Name: night
in desperation
im asking the lightposts
to follow me home

if i can find the strength to live
in this fading winter night

these aspirations,
this struggling to rise above
is burning me through
and the flames are leaping
i can still see them now
as they're taking my eyes again

dreams should have stayed
in the mentality of
i am losing faith

ive lost.
Track Name: eyes
is this an altar, unyeilding
the breking of bread
tell stories of dreaming
or crying instead
so passing around the cup
a taste of body, a taste of blood
in villifying love
a scrap of bread or a bitter cup

im closing my eyes
Track Name: blame
we're all finally realizing
the futility of this speech
the laughter, the anger
and the hope that we still seek

we're all finally seeing
with eyes open wide
that there's nothing to look at
there's nothing to hide

and im struggling to remember why i came here
why i opened these wounds
and im struggling to remember who's to blame here
but my memory is fading so soon

what is a line of sight bearing down?
a weight on shoulders, opened out
insects burrow under skin
eyebrows furrow at empty sin
is this eating itself alive -- this body barely occupied?

this body is barely occupied

and im struggling to remember why i came here...
Track Name: choice
i dont feel anymore
i dont think anymore
i tried so hard to open up
im trying so hard to open up
but im only closing doors
i dont laugh anymore
i dont cry anymore
and though i claim to be trying
im only dying
closing doors
lying alone
i dont smile anymore
i dont frown anymore
this numbness is sinking
without even drinking
im losing this war
because i dont change anymore
and i dont grow anymore
the choice ive got
is between giving in and giving up
so im giving up...

is this really the only choice ive got?
Track Name: louder
my eyes are dying
just like every other thing
and all thats left in store
is this empty little dream
this leftist complaint
is tying my hands
while im trying so hard
to be the better man

this faith is dying
just like every other thing
until its dead,
ill keep fighting this disease

now my hands are dying
just like every other thing
and all thats left in store
is this empty little dream
this empty sustain,
like trickling sand
these struggling restraints
to force anothers hand

this sunday
eyes don't mean
anything to me
hands bound by tourniquets
burning them to set them free

this dream is dying
just like every other thing
and all thats left in store
is this cliche disease
the lightest of weights
has forced my hand
and im losing my battle
to be a better man
Track Name: sleep
is it time for an intermisison
from the lie ive been sucking in
its all ive been sucking in
did i imagine you in this frame of reference?
because you're not here
but i could swear those songs were about me

if this lie would just let me sleep
maybe id forget the way you looked at me
and i could forget the things you said to me
just let me sleep.

i can't see a goddamned thing
is there a periphery?
and where, where am i going
because this night is closing in

its as if im self destructing
out of obligation...
its becoming a part of this routine
and the sky keeps falling in...
Track Name: blood
leaves draw red on green canvas
leaves draw blood as demanded
fell down to cry on the ground
let down, craving a sound
there was a time...
i promised myself id never be who i am today
i promised myself id never let things turn out this way
but promises are so easily broken
lies are so easily spoken
too readily believed
summer is over and winter is near
winds blow colder with knowledge of fear
let down hid under the ground
theres still time to preserver this sound
there was a time...
i lived in hell but saw the glory of the way
i lived in hell but never lost sight of the day
but now that these words have been spoken
it takes strength for habits to be broken
and now i can see
i still believe
but so much pain
will drive insane
and with all thats happened
you look to my eyes for a sacrifice
and this is what ive sacrificed
this is what ive made of my life
where has humility gone
what said for watching the dawn
why can't i remember the song
in winter reborn the summer is scorned
we're reminded of its violence
winters beauty is subtle
its glory is humble
Track Name: enough
these eyelids growing heavy by the minute
through them you're looking right thru me
this rythem
growing steady till the finish its proven
you're looking right thru me
this is an eyesore ive maintained
and all thats left in store is restraint
these words are empty
but they ask for nothing more
and im regretting the decision i adored

this pain is not mine
its not yours
we've disguised and divorced the past
and tho this was handed down
we cannot afford to displace blame

but i can't get this out of my head...

everything was you
but its venting out of my hate
i know i've made mistakes
was i afraid to go away?
you said you'd never change

and ill try to get by...
Track Name: empty(con)
theres nothing left to hold
but these empty ghosts
and the only things still binding
are all the things i think i know
the subtle inconsistencies
a mirror's lonely stare
all i can do is look back at me
i dont have the strength to pretend
im still trying to find you
but you're already gone
the subtle inconsistencies
and all these eyes that look at me
im trying to find you
all thats left is your ghost
this is the only way.
Track Name: fear
this madness distrusting
the wieght of this day
this ending we've opened
and the hope it conveys
Im so tired of words
and the way they bind
im so tired of hurt
and sleepless nights
im so tired of tears
in eyes open wide
im so tired of fears
and words that divide

do you still believe?
because my hope is fading fast
underneath the weight of the past
and I want to be strong
but my hope is fading fast
with all this weight from the past

these arms aren't quite sharpened
they're breaking me open
as if barely a skin
its made to be broken
im so tired of answers
to questions so blind
im so tired of the weight
of this poisonous mind
im so tired of you
you just wont go away
im so tired of embracing
this godamned decay

do you still believe?
because this is all i have left
to finish this test
and i want to be strong
but you were all i had left
and now you're gone.

I cant quite imagine
how it feels to have eyes
i just feel so broken
maybe its time to resign.
Track Name: landed
and im tempted to sleep here
to turn and retreat here
can i find the strength to face another day?
as if my guilt owned me,
ive let my pain control me
Ive seen how my dreams can pacify...
they took my life
we all dream of comfort and peace
as if it weren't enough to have a place to sleep
and i think, as i lie wide awake
of what ive wasted consumed by pain
we've been resigned to believe in our pain
we've been told this is just the way things are
while people starve

comfort and peace are such nice ways to be
and with my eyes closed i see all i want to see
but then I open my eyes to this blinding apathy
together we have to fight this disease
take back our power and fight for community
tear down these walls that we call home
tear down these walls that make us feel alone
because together we're strong.
Track Name: embrace
seams breaking for prisons before
to show the skin beneath
exposed vision unclean
expounded these visions we've seen
but disbelieved
though grown from seeds,
a disbelievers peace is this believers peace
and days like rains keep falling
down on me

been seen raking this ocean floor
for wisdom we'd seen
when we opened our minds to dream
from this wisdom we were relieved
and my eyes are still calling
out to me

and the moon drains the sun of its light
pulls this one filled with fright
towards the dreams he threw away
for one last embrace

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