Another Day In Which We Do Not Explode

by Trust Darkness

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about

originally released under artist name "Sleep Deprivation"

credits

released January 1, 2007

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all rights reserved

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about

Trust Darkness Seattle, Washington

aka Sleep Deprivation aka __mt__ aka mikeyT... a drummer with a guitar, trying to figure out what to do with himself in his late 30s.

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Track Name: no matter how else it may seem, the house is not burning down.
the gas is filling the room
and i dont want it to stop
the pilot went out days ago
and i cant seem to find a light
im just trying to sort through the past
and for now, its jut not quite working out
im just trying to forgive myself
for mistakes and what ifs and what nows

but the house isnt burning up just yet
so for now if i could just clear my head
in the morning i could wake to forget
where the night will just lead me again

the windows are not sealed so tight
and i cant hold my hands steady enough
asphixiation feels just right
when you can't find your way to the door
but im still trying, gasping for breath
so i havent given up just yet
the balance between gas and oxygen
isn't quite right for the reaction to begin

so the house isn't burning up just yet...
Track Name: i first made love on easter
im not scared of dying
im scared of looking in the mirror
im not scared of crying
im scared of drying my eyes of tears
and if this is all i have to say
this voice should just fade away
because there's enough fear without my mistakes

and every morning feels so strange
I will not expand i will not explain
these eyes will only dilate
they will not contract
they will not relate
and the stone will not be rolled away
on the third day i will not find peace
i will not go home i will not believe

im not really breathing
im just absorbing every word
this isnt grieving
its just acting what we've learned
and im not really giving up
im just investing in faith
this isn't really love
its just words that we've arranged

and every morning feels so strange
i will not expand i will not explain
this voice will not resonate
it will not spew words
only hesitate
and the stone will not be rolled away
on the third day i will not find peace
i will not go home
i will not believe

and these means just aren't suggesting ends
this trembling hand can barely hold this pen
I'll try to write my piece
if i can remember what these words mean
maybe there's still hope to find relief
or find release...
Track Name: i'm not ignoring you, there's really no one home
ive forgotten how to bleed
this blood only knows how to clot
it should flow but its not
so im just listening patiently
in hopes to decipher each word
theres a hidden message im sure
in this whispering voice...

ive forgotten how to breathe
but dont be scared
its only symbolic air
and im tired of sifting for meaning
so im huddling here in my room
cradling fears of doom

and the phone just rings, it rings and rings all day
the buzzer broke, but they're knocking on the windows

St. Peter's on the phone, he wants to take me home
but im not ready for the credits to roll
St Peter's at the door...

ive forgotten how to speak
it all comes in stutters and slurs,
self directed whispers
so im finally learning how to sleep
with the help of this natural gas
until a spark lights it at last

ive forgotten how to think... blink... see... dream

these eyes are going to dry out
Track Name: talking to yourself for fun and profit
the distance between two thoughts...
time's shortest measure
or paper airplanes on the platform...
a message in a bottle
but the pilot light is out again
i hear my own voice whispering
i just can't stop this blistering
i hear my own voice whispering oh no

we must learn to bleed again
ive already said oh no
we must learn to breathe again

strangers on the elevator
no one is talking
one way glass we venerate
and nobody's listening
i feel the future coming near
i hear my own voice whispering oh no
i just can't shake this sense of fear
i hear my own voice whispering oh no

because the gas is filling the room
Track Name: a long story with no discernable point
"help is on the way"
how many pills we take
how many drinks we down
just how long before we drown

and on the seventh day he rests
we tried to make this less
than human contact could relate
sex and money, class and faith

"now im deep in this new hell
with one way to fight back
but i know ill fail, i always do
ill give my all but they'll
burn right through"
Track Name: a score of unsuccessful suicides
this isnt really grieving our deaths
these arent tears theyre only pretend
but im ready to leave my body behind me
im ready to let go of all that defines me

but St. Peter doesn't recognize me
i told him "I have to apologize
please understand, it was not you
I just could not bear to go through
the daily pleasantries of 'how are you'"

this isn't bleeding
its just assembling words
and this isn't dreaming
because you pinch and it hurts
but the gas all seems to have disappated
they keep sending me bills
i keep frogetting to pay them

and I never answered the phone
even though i was really at home
and so St Peter must be holding a grudge
I never answered the door
even though I was really at home
and so St Peter says the gates are closed
"Im sorry sir, you'll have to go"

so this isnt acting
Ive realized we breathe
and im clutching my stomach
in the depths of my grief
so Im opening windows
to let in the breeze
in hopes that passersby
will help me find peace

because words just aren't
bringing relief
and words just aren't bringing release

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